


Crack the Ice

by ForTheOffBeatHeart



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crushes, Dancing, Drinking, Everyone Is Gay, Heavy Angst, M/M, Pining, Poor Victor, Power Play, Slow Burn, Teasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 07:06:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8614375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForTheOffBeatHeart/pseuds/ForTheOffBeatHeart
Summary: On and on, every day, Yuuri was part of Victor's life now. He loves it, but it will be the end of him. He swears this kid is trying to drive him insane. No matter how hard he fights, everyone has a limit.





	1. The Last Straws

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write this for a long time, but I'm so lazy I needed a friend to tell me to finally do it XD ;;;; Also, sorry about the chapters not being indented I tried to fix it but couldn't. The paragraphs look scary but bear with it pleaseee ^w^

The crowd roared. The intensity of the sound was almost enough to drown out the rapid, demanding notes bursting from the piano from the stadium's speakers. This was it, though. Yuuri knew that this was his chance. He had already come so far, from his sleepy home town to the championships. He could not lose now. His body twisted and strained as he flung himself into each turn, spin, jump, and his skin shone with sweat despite the cold that was filling his lungs. He felt like he was on fire. No, he was on fire.  
Before every jump, he snuck a look at Victor. Yuuri knew how he looked. After all the relentless practice he'd done in front of Minako's mirrors, he had to know. His shoulders and chest glittered with every move he made, his torso and legs were showcased for the world to see. He knew how attractive he looked when he moved in those round, fluid motions. Flicking fingers and darting tongue, rolling hips and that flexibility, there was no way Yuuri didn't know how he looked. And it drove Victor insane.  
At first, he had thought Yuuri was being cute. He had seen true talent in the boy, and the urge to hone it had been too strong for Victor to deny himself. That was months ago. It had been months since the boy had begun dancing all around him in a way no one else saw. Victor was left helpless and gaping by the time he was gone again. Staying in his home, seeing him in the bath, seeing him in his pajamas, even-- these were things that were fine at first. There had been nothing there beyond Victor wanting to reach out to someone who had the potential and the spirit to make it worth it.  
As he stood at the side of the rink, holding his chin in his hand propped up on the pony wall, and bit the at the fingers covering his lips. He tried to convince himself it was still like that. Yuuri was a precious boy. Victor was older and perhaps not wiser, but tried to know better all the same. He had to know better. No matter how his hips swayed side to side, no matter how his body moved with the flow of gravity that was coursing though him now, and no matter how he looked Victor's way at the end of each dance, he could not let himself be swept up by a kid. Victor frowned. Was their age difference scandalous? Was it so farfetched to dream about Yuuri creeping into his room each night? But he couldn't. Surely it was wrong, thinking these things about the only pupil he's ever had.  
The piano began to slow down, each of its notes hanging dauntingly like a puppet master over Yuuri's body. His blades sketched slow, alluring circles until the rhythm picked up again, and his feet pushed at the ice with renewed vigor. He swirled with his arms in the air, absolutely flying over the ice. A jump! And not just any jump, but his jump. Victor's jump. The heartbreak was audible in the whole stadium when Yuuri's hip collided with the ice, but the chalky sound of him getting back up to seduce him more was a true test of Victor's strength. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Eyes wide and hands reflexively at his face, he couldn't stop himself from staring. The program was nearing its end and Yuuri had just perfectly done the things he had promised he would not. And then he was alive all over again, twirling and almost writhing with the power he undoubtedly felt. It was like Yuuri was drinking the energy from everyone's stares, and they were all addicted. Victor was addicted.  
And then, too soon, the ring of the keys fell through, slowing to a delicate halt, and Yuuri whipped around. His dark eyes bore into him, a hand on his heaving chest and a hand outstretched, and Victor could barely keep from collapsing. His legs were moving before his vision came back. Nothing else mattered. The crowds could cheer, the cameras could judge, but Victor needed to have Yuuri. Now. The frenzy in his chest burned throughout his whole body. It coiled in his muscles as he pushed himself closer and closer to the gate. He needed this. He needed it, he needed it- he jumped. Time froze, his heart burst in terror as his body flung itself at Yuuri, who looked like he was going to cry again.  
A switch flipped in Victor, and like a cold flood the only thing that mattered was not how unfairly irresistible he was, but him being okay. Victor knew where the boundaries lay. So instead of crashing their lips together, relieving the desire that buzzed torturously under his skin, he pulled Yuuri's body into his, wishing he could keep him there forever. The shock in the boy's eyes speared Victor's pounding heart.  
"It was the only thing I could think of to surprise you more than you surprised me." Those had been the right words, thank goodness. But Victor needed to get to the hotel room. He needed to not be surrounded by thousands of people right now. The interview was slower than it could have possibly been, and he was crumbling fast behind his easy smile and confident calmness. As soon as the announcers took their eyes away, Victor grabbed Yuuri's hand and tugged him along down the hall and towards the car. That was when Phichit came up from behind them, calling their names.  
"You two make quite the pair!" Both boys were smiling and chuckling, so Victor smiled, too. There was no help for him, now. They spoke for a good while and, little by little, Victor's arm crept around Yuuri's shoulder. He was calmed by this. Feeling Yuuri against him was like hiding under a blanket at night when he was scared as a kid. It wasn't enough, but it was much better than nothing. It was probably better than what he would be doing if he had made it home already. It was good. After a while, the skaters, their coaches, and their managers gathered by the door along with them. It was decided they were going to raid the nearest noodle bar, and honestly Victor couldn't say no to that, Maybe he needed a drink.  
As soon as the burning started, he suddenly needed it a whole lot more. Victor wasn't one for stereotypes he couldn't own, but sweetly scented vodka, clear and silky as water but far more toxic, was a weakness that followed him no matter what country he went to. The food got better and better, and so did the view. Yuuri got closer and closer. It made Victor so, so, so happy. Yuuri wanted to be close to him. He wanted to be right there, sitting next to him. And he was so warm, and he smelled nice. Why did he smell so nice? Yuuri laughed awkwardly and attempted to free enough of himself to finish eating, but silly Yuuri! They didn't need to be apart. They needed to be together.  
"Come on, Yuuri. Aren't you having fun?" His mind was slurring and he knew it, but would it be so bad? Just once? Just one...small...  
"I think it's time you took him home, Yuuri!" Celestino cackled. He was little better off than Victor, who drooled a little bit onto the table before startling and wiping his mouth, confused. This made everyone who saw laugh. Yes, let's go home. I wanna go home. The car ride home was very fuzzy and Victor faded in and out of sleep. He couldn't make sense of anything until sun up.


	2. The Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The devil's in the details. Be careful what you miss when you blink, it's important. These are things Victor is going to need to learn if he's going to survive.

His head was pounding when he woke up, and his eyes refused to open. He was barely even breathing; the only sign Victor showed of life was the scrunching and wiggling of his toes as he argued with himself in his head. I should get up. We need to pack. I should make sure Yuuri is okay. Oh but good lord his head was killing him. Even with his eyes closed, it was too bright in the room. The sun was pouring relentlessly in through the windows and just thinking about it made a cold sweat break out all over his body. Stubborn, he held his breath, sat up, propped two of his pillows against the back board of the hotel bed, and sat up against it as quickly as he could. As soon as he could relax again, he groaned up at the ceiling. He must have been louder than he intended because seconds later, Yuuri tapped twice on the door and stepped in.  
Victor's heart ached almost as bad as his head when he saw the large glass of water in his left hand. The right was balled into a fist, and he just knew the sweet, pure boy had brought him the proper dose of pain killers. He was already wearing his glasses, which meant he had looked through the infernally small type on the bottle to find the dosage. It was much too early for this.  
"Victor? Are you okay?" Yuuri's face showed such genuine, albeit awkward, concern, but his eyes were intense. They both broke eye contact and looked at the wall. There was a print depicting a city street, perhaps in Tokyo, with vivid colors and high contrast. He looked to the boy again when he abruptly thrust the glass of water at him, followed by the other fist as an after thought. Victor smiled, wishing Yuuri would look at him. He took the glass and downed almost all of it at once.  
"Hey! You need to save some for the pills!" He was just a boy. It really showed when his eyes went wide and he spoke with such enthusiasm. It made Victor want to tease him back, for all the trouble he puts him through. Heart racing, he reached and gently drew his fingertips from Yuuri's elbow to his wrist, slowing over his palm, before tugging at his fingers. The pills were dropped into a palm that Yuuri could never know was sweating. With the other's dark eyes still trained on him, encouraging him to ignore the pain, Victor threw his head back and brought the little white pills to his mouth, then emptied out the glass. He swore he could feel Yuuri's gaze burning through his neck, but when he slouched back down and put the glass on the bed side table, Yuuri was getting up and heading to the door. No! Stay! Please... He walked like a woman who knew how to carry herself.  
"Yuuriii! Where are you going? Don't you want to lay in bed with me and laze the morning away?" He turned and stuttered, a blush turning his face pink.  
"No-No! I was going to go on a run..." He smiled a crooked smile and rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm still hyped from yesterday." For a moment, he looked like he might cry again. Happy tears, but he'd been through so much emotionally that Victor didn't want to see any tears, no matter how happy they might be. He knew he'd regret it but Victor jumped up. Smirking and suddenly full of confidence, he winked.  
"Okay, lets go to the pool!" Yuuri blinked at him, mouth open. His hand was still on the door knob. "I mean, the pool! Let's go!" Yuuri's English might not span to that.  
"Ah, o-okay!" He nodded with enthusiasm and disappeared, hopefully to change into his swim trunks. Victor followed suit since he was already standing. He shivered. It was cold in the room. The closet had sliding mirror door and when he looked at his reflection, he buried his face in his hands. He looked like a mess. His jacket was on the bed, but his white button up shirt was only half off of him, and his pants were falling down. Where had his belt gone? Damn it, how was Yuuri supposed to feel like Victor took him seriously when he did things like this? He needed to do better. He would. Staring now!  
Determined, he rummaged through his suitcases until he found his swim trunks, threw on his jacket, a pair of flip-flops, and went to go get Yuuri. Today would be fun! Besides, he was being a good coach. Victor knew Yuuri had to be sore from yesterday's exertion, and running today would only make him stiff and unable to stretch properly until dangerously close to the next tournament. Swimming would be much less strenuous on his body, and he would still get good exercise. His smile was real when he burst through the door to Yuuri's room.  
"Let's-!" Yuuri yelped mid jump, foot apparently stuck in his swim trunks, and toppled over. His side hit the bed, but not enough of him was over it so his body was twisted and he landed face first on the floor, a mess of arms and legs. A very, incredibly undressed mess. Despite the sour twinge Victor felt deep in his chest, the laughter came up to save him from the situation regardless to how much he didn't want to embarrass the boy.  
"If you needed help, you should have asked! I am your coach, right?" Yuuri jerked the trunks up, covering himself, but he didn't get up. He glared at Victor. It wasn't a malicious look, however. It seemed to Victor, even though it wasn't possible, that the look on his face was daring him. To do what, he had no idea, but that couldn't have been it, anyway. But... His legs were toward Victor, as was his tush, like he was laying on his side. That alone was a view Victor knew he'd remember, but Yuuri was propped up on his elbows, torso twisted to face him head on. His rips were just barely visible, his cushioned muscles were well defined in the light of the room, and his small nipples were hard, probably from being frightened in the cold room. The glare was daring him to make a move.  
A flood of evil thoughts overcame him, and if those few seconds before Yuuri got up had lasted any longer, the look of complete command from behind those glasses would have been the end of him. Yuuri was back on his feet, grabbing his thin black sports jacket and slipping on his tennis shoes, not even bothering with socks. Like the last minute didn't even happen, he looked to Victor like a puppy, curious and asking what was going to happen next. His chest clenched. He needed to be the best coach, and nothing more. He cleared his throat before smiling wide and grabbing Yuuri's hand.  
"Let's gooo!" They only made it a third of the way to the nearest indoor pool when, with windows rolled down, Victor jumped up from his contemplative state and pointed excitedly to the beach. The car swerved and Yuuri yelled, and Victor laughed it off. They ended up safe and sound over hot, white sand. The warmth felt so nice on Victor's cold toes and he gladly let the wind pull off his jacket, which got left in the sand as he bound excitedly to the splashing waves. Was Yuuri watching? He kicked a foot right into the water and yelped at how cold it was, wrapping his arms around himself, but took the first few steps in anyway. He turned to look back at Yuuri, who was not following him. It was hard to see exactly what face he was making from this many meters away, but he looked lost. Maybe he was scared of the ocean? Again with the confidence to hold himself high, Victor reached an arm back and beckoned the other.  
"Come on, Yuuri! It's the biggest pool!" He still didn't budge, though he seemed to be looking at Victor now. "Are you scared, Yuuri?" he called, teasing, "Don't worry! I'm here to save you if you start-" The boy had started charging Victor, grinning wide, and he only made it half way through "drowning" when he barreled into Victor, taking them both down into the water. They yelled at the shock of the cold, but were laughing too hard to get up. Another wave came in and toppled them over each other. Sticking their tongues out at the salty water in their faces, laughing and coughing just because they were having fun, it was incredible. And then Victor was on top of Yuuri. His slight pudge had no affect on how light his torso was. He could probably lift him with no problem. His soft arms were bent over his chest, as if he were worried about indecency. It was cute, and Victor thought of forcing his arms aside and just-  
"Waaa! V-Victor! Get up! Up, up!" Yuuri was looking behind him and frantically smacking his biceps trying to scuttle up the beach. Turning his head, Victor gasped at the sight of the huge wave coming in. He rolled to the side and they both scrambled up the sand. Victor laughed more.  
"We escaped the wave, but now we're all sandy! Was it worth it?" Yuuri was still smirking when he stuck his tongue out at Victor. It took him by surprise. Ever since his breakdown before the last performance, Yuuri had become much more sure of himself around him. Much more seductive. Constantly. The next few thoughts he had gave him goosebumps, but he needed to focus on something else. He was too old to be thinking like this. Yuuri gasped, a brilliant smile taking up his entire expression.  
"Look! A dog like Vi-chan!" A white, puffy poodle with brown spots was running up to them, a frisbee in its mouth. But while Yuuri was distracted by the dog, who really was adorable, Victor was looking past that. The fabric was a deep purple, flecked with small white dots. She was graceful and jogging right towards him. He smiled and stood, trying to brush off the sand. Does this stuff ever come off?  
"Hello! Is this your dog?" She smiled, small mouth open as she tried to catch her breath.  
"Yes! Yeah, she's mine. Her name is Pika." She smiled down at her dog, but glanced at Victor and brushed her long bangs behind her ear. Making sure there wasn't any sand on his hands, Victor bowed down, grabbed her hand and gave it a gently kiss. He stood and smiled happily.  
"And my name is Victor! What's yours?" The young woman looked flustered, but she didn't shy away. She did the exact opposite, actually, and Victor invited her to stay with them until they were ready to leave. They even got food together, and Victor didn't have a sip of alcohol. Yuuri had clung to the dog the whole day, and for the first time since they met, Victor didn't catch any of the sideways glances shot his way. They were still covered in sand when the two waved the girl and her dog goodbye. The next fifteen minutes were silent as they searched for the showers, and Victor was lost in thought the whole way. She had been nice. She was his type, too, and she had an adorable dog.  
"They're over there." The off tone of Yuuri's voice snapped Victor to attention. He eyed him curiously, slowing down, but Yuuri kept on walking, expression blank but tense.  
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood. It didn't work. Fear and worry mixed together so suddenly in Victor's stomach that he forgot how hungry he was. The showers were in a large box of concrete that was open at the corners. It was more like four hand ball walls arranged in a defensive circle, shower heads coming out from both sides of each. Yuuri stepped into the box, so Victor followed. Yuuri took off his jacket, and visibly shivered, bending over to turn on the water. Victor stepped close enough to see the goosebumps on his sin while he hung his jacket safely on the wall.  
"Really, what's wrong? Do you feel okay?"  
"I'm tired." He didn't turn to look at Victor, and pretended not to be freezing as he stepped under the water. The sun was setting and it gave Yuuri's skin warm, orange glow. The water made the bumps on his chilled skin even more visible, and Victor knew something was wrong. Frowning, but not saying anything else, Victor washed himself off with his back to Yuuri. Now would be the worst time for him to lose it. Seeing the precious boy shiver and pretend to be fine made Victor want to hug him, wrap him up in his arms, keep him, mark him... He scrubbed his hair free of as much sand as possible, very aware of how badly they were both shivering and probably starving. When he turned around, pulling his jacket back on, he was surprised and worried even more to see that even though the water was colder than the air Yuuri was just standing under it.  
"Yuuri? Are you ok-" He put a hand on Yuuri's shoulder, a somewhat intimate touch he'd done many times before, trying to get a look at him. Yuuri moved like a whip. In an instant, Victor was falling backwards, stunned. He reached his right hand back to catch himself, but it slipped on the muddy tile and his shoulder took the fall with a smacking thud. He skidded on the wet ground, skin burning as it scraped on larger pieces of sand and gravel. Pain shot from his fingers to his neck, and when he tried to prop himself up, his arm collapsed. Yuuri had his hand outstretched, as if to catch him, but that didn't change what he'd done. He pushed Victor with all the force he could, and his eyes still shone with ferocity behind the temporary horror of what he did.  
"Your hand was cold." The boy bit his lip and retracted his hand, looking away. Victor didn't know what either of them were feeling, but it wasn't good. No, this was very, very, very bad. Yuuri isn't okay. I need to help him. He needs to be okay. Victor got up as quickly as he could. He tried to move his arm, but more pain shocked through his whole side in protest. There hadn't been a pop, so it wasn't dislocated, which was good... Covered in mud, he stepped under the spray of water that Yuuri had left on, and Yuuri moved away, keeping a foot's distance between them. He stood on the other side of the wall and, when Victor turned the water off, he heard Yuuri's footsteps walking off to the car.  
The ride home was quiet and dark once the sun set. The only sounds were of the city and the other cars on the road. They kept the windows down. When they got back, very ready to bathe and be warm and dry, they ate hastily and stayed on opposite sides of the stairs. Each moment so far from Yuuri broke Victor's heart. Whatever had happened, how could he coach the boy now? Would whatever's going on end? Victor was almost to the point of tears when the slam of Yuuri's door made him jump. He was alone in the hall. Swiftly, he fumbled for his own door and closed it before taking off his wet clothes. His nose was burning and his eyes stung, and eventually his throat was so tight that he couldn't stop the whimper that escaped him, opening the floodgates to tears and sobs he tried to keep silent. Yuuri was just next door.  
Every heave of his body hurt immensely, and for what felt like days he stood in hell itself. He had failed. He never should have thought he could coach. He failed Yuuri, somehow. What if he'd ruined Yuuri? Victor needed to move. Snatching his towel with his left hand, he briskly made his way to the bath. No one was there since it was dinner time. The smell of salt clung to him like a fake smile that he couldn't shake. He had been so happy just a few hours ago. The water was too hot, but he stepped in any way. Maybe it would sooth the ache that set in all over his body, throbbing with the beat of his heart. The line between physical and emotional pain washed away, and Victor sat there, hunched over and biting his lip, staying quiet as tears poured from his eyes.  
The door opened. The startle was enough to allow him to compose himself, but he didn't move. If whoever it was didn't want to see an awkward old crying man, they could face the other way or go shower instead. Nothing could have prepared him for hearing the one voice he was trying to ignore. In his head it told him everything he wanted to hear, but it tore him down just as much. Yes, it said. Do it. But then, you've failed me. I don't need you.  
"I'm s-sorry" He didn't care how he looked, he whipped around and saw tears in Yuuri's eyes. His expression was something else. Victor had no words. Yuuri stepped into the bath slowly, not taking his eyes off of Victor. As much as Victor wanted to look away, he couldn't. Yuuri looked like a model on the runway, stony face giving him the feel of being untouchable. The only thing he had to show for it was the bath towel. Victor couldn't breathe, and he felt the heat starting to get to him. He needed to know.  
"Yuuri, what happened? If i did something wrong, I need to know. I want to be by your side when you win, or even if you lose. As your coach-" Victor had leaned forward, slouching as his gaze followed Yuuri, but now his back was slamming against the wall of the bath. He yelped in pain, but the hands on his biceps didn't budge as Yuuri towered over him. Victor felt small. He felt weak. He felt like prey staring into the scalding eyes of his predator, and even if he had the strength he couldn't move. The steam in the room made it even harder to breathe, so he held his breath. No, no, no. Victor could feel the intense heat from Yuuri's body all over his own. Their legs were brushing. Yuuri was centimeters from sitting on something that Victor really wished didn't exist right then. Victor was paralyzed, and had no clue what would come next.  
Then it came. Yuuri seated himself in Victor's lap, and he was going to yelp at the shock of shameful pleasure but it was swallowed. Yuuri's lips were on his and they were soft, but the kiss was commanding and ruthless and Victor's bones dissolved. His heart couldn't take it. Yuuri moved their lips at his own will and Victor needed it, oh he needed it. His mouth was hot on Victors and when it parted, he had to follow, but just as soon as his tongue dared to beg for attention, Yuuri was gone.  
"You will stay by my side."  
He pulled back and tugged Victor, turning him around. He was in a daze. He was raging with want and what he got only made it worse, but his head wasn't catching up. He couldn't think. Every time he tried to grasp a thought, it slipped away.  
Yuuri put the sponge down when he was done scrubbing Victor clean. He hadn't even noticed when Yuuri had lead him out of the bath to clean him. People were coming in now, having finished dinner. Victor smiled at them, and said the occasional hello after Yuuri had slipped out, but he barely made it back to his room. He felt like he was lost the whole time. He was torn. He was so happy. Yuuri didn't hate him. Yuuri might even want him. Yuuri doesn't hate him. He was just a boy... Victor shook his head, even though it didn't clear his head. Just for tonight, he could delve into what he ran from for too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaahahahaa am I mean? There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. Is it hell fire? Can't say.


	3. The Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now the heat has been turned up under Victor's feet, and he has to make serious choices. But he isn't the only one that's losing the game.

At least his head didn't hurt this morning. His shoulder was stiff and aching, but it wasn't as bad as it had been. His skin burned. Peering at his side, he could see a few clusters of scrapes disappearing onto his back. He'd need a mirror to see it well. There was a thin cold pack draped over his shoulder, a towel between it and his chilled skin. It wasn't swollen. Victor was still in a daze. Had last night happened? What had happened last night? He scowled at the blankets that were bunched up around his legs, and swore he didn't have anything to drink. He bit his lip and started when it hurt. Hm? He pulled his bottom lip out to look at it and could just barely make out a fine red line on the left side. Very suddenly the feeling of determined hands on his arms as if they were still there, and the slightly salty smell of the bath made him hold his breath. He didn't breathe until there were a few loud knocks on the door.  
"Victor! You didn't get drunk again, did you? It's already eleven!" More knocking, then a soft, "Oh, it's open" and in strode Celestino. It was too late for Victor to cover himself above the stomach, so he smiled and stayed calm.  
"Hellooo~" He chirped in English. Celestino stood there in shock for a moment before rushing over and reaching to feel his arm. Victor flinched, and he didn't make contact.  
"What happened? does Yuuri know?"  
"Yes, yes, I'm fine! I slipped and it's sore but it'll go away in a day or two!" He waved the worry off with his left hand and then pulled the ice pack up, leaving the towel there in case there was a nasty bruise. Celestino didn't seem convinced, but he let it go. Before Victor knew it, they were in Russia. He missed the icy air that stopped the atmosphere from getting out of control, calming even the tension between him and Yuuri. He hadn't seen much of the boy until before his next short program. The separation hurt, but it was for the best, he tried to convince himself. It's for the best. The very thought of what had happened a few days ago set Victor's blood on fire and as much as he wanted to explode and be engulfed in flames, he couldn't. He had to be a support for Yuuri. He just needed to be a good coach.  
He'd been crying in his room before the pre-show interview. It wasn't like he was wallowing; he had had simply been putting his shoes on when his eyes watered and it got out of control. He hadn't thought about it enough to know why he was crying, he just accepted it until it was too close to show time. He needed to look the part he was so desperately trying to play. The pink had faded from his eyes and nose when he stepped out of his room, but he put on sunglasses anyway. Just in case.  
The interviewers asked all the questions he didn't want to answer. The thought of facing Yuuri at all, let alone on the ice made his finger tips tingle and his stomach flip. He saw so much potential in Yuuri it was intimidating. Being home was great. He felt like he somehow had leverage over whoever Yuuri was growing to become, and it gave him the strength to continue being his mentor. He only picked on adorable little Yurio because he couldn't give the media what they wanted. Victor didn't know what he was going to do with himself these next few months, much less when Yuuri didn't need him anymore... Yurio's attitude was a good distraction from everything.  
Victor felt awkward once he and Yuuri met up again, all the other skaters gathering around the T.V. to watch the performances. Then again, it probably was just him. Yuuri looked lost in thought, but there was no doubt that he was preparing himself mentally. But then it was his turn. They wordlessly made their way to the back stage area, where Yuuri did a few last-minute stretches and bounced up and down, shaking his hands out to warm up his body. This silence was ringing in Victor's ears, and it was eating him from the inside out. He drew a breath, still unsure of what he could say that wouldn't make whatever is between them worse, but Yuuri's face snapped his direction so quickly Victor's mind stopped its senseless ticking.  
Closer. Yuuri was stepping much too close. There was no space between them and Victor had no place to hide from the intensity of the boy's stare. He was pinned down, and like a pressure point he opened up. Defenses down, he wanted to know what was going on.  
"Where will you be if I lose?" It clicked. As Yuuri strode out into the floodlit stadium, working his skates like high heels, Victor realized that maybe Yuuri was feeling insecure not about the performance, but if what they had was solely reliant on the season, and how Yuuri could preform as a skater under the mentoring of Victor, his coach. it made sense, and knowing spurred Victor on. He would be the best coach, and give more than Yuuri needed to ask of him.  
He was Victor Nikiforov. He could do as he pleased, and everyone would love it. So he did. Yuuri was standing with his back to him, looking out over the rink that sat in waiting for him. Grabbing him by his hips, Victor spun him around and knelt down, fixing his shoelace. Looking up, he enjoyed the brief look of shock before it turned into a warm smile, one that toyed with Victor's heart saying "You have no idea what's waiting for you". It was time. Yuuri was on the ice and the crowd was so excited Victor couldn't help but get swept up in it. He soaked up the cheers, turning and waving. These people could see it too, the talent Yuuri had to show them.  
His laughter was cut off when his tie was yanked, and very quickly it wasn't the only thing keeping him from breathing, the only thing too tight. He could feel Yuuri's warm breath on his cheek, could almost feel the boys soft lips, but was frozen, and couldn't move to the screaming in his head.  
"The performance has already begun, Victor." He said something else, but it was all a blur as his heart began racing and the music began to flow. Victor could feel shame manifesting in him, but he was proud. Yuuri was ready for this. There was a moment where the boy looked uncertain, but then he stated moving. His heart stuttered when Yuuri blew a kiss to the judges, and a burst of anger, or something like anger, tugged at his chest, but he was proud. The performance was flawless; every jump and every twist was graceful and Yuuri looked so confident... That look of confidence was doing something to Victor that he forbid himself from thinking about. He wanted to run, be in a dark room alone, but he couldn't. He wouldn't. He was Yuuri's coach, and they needed each other.  
He could envision the boy skating with a woman, a woman so strong to match Yuuri's passion that Victor felt... lame. He felt lacking, and he caught himself glaring at Sala. She was beautiful and strong and talented, and they both knew it. The music was picking up and frustration struggled violently in his core. Yuuri was beautiful, moving so elegantly, so masterfully; he was experienced in the art of seducing, and Victor could stand it less and less, almost to the point of regretting letting the whole world see. Even during practice, every time Yuuri took to the ice it was clear he was becoming something that no one could resist, and Victor was just a man. He was doing better than he ever had, too. Maybe he's more motivated away from home, where the bar is lower? Maybe he feels safer knowing the people he could disappoint most are far away. But this, his absolute allure, would even impress Yurio. And then he came to a halt, holding himself like he knew he had won, and the stadium roared. The noise was astounding and it left Victor in awe. He could only manage the single word ringing in his head.  
"Yuuri!" And as happy as he was, Yuuri didn't come running. He didn't cry and ask, "Did I do well?" He didn't crash into him with an over-excited hug. He soaked in the love from the audience like any other commendable skater. It hurt a little, but it didn't stop Victor from letting his feeling sweep him away for a moment, grabbing the closest part of Yuuri he could find and bringing it to his lips. It didn't stop him from hanging off of Yuuri's shoulder, mindful of his own that still ached, as they watched the next two programs. Yurio was becoming a very formidable foe. Enthralled with Yurio's performance, Victor just stood in satisfaction, loving the feeling of Yuuri's body heat under his harm and on his side. Then Yuuri's phone rang, and he excused himself. Victor stayed and watched most of JJ's program, but when Yuuri didn't come back he got curious. Was he okay?  
He could see him pacing back and forth across the hall once he got back stage, and his face was full of worry. Victor's stomach dropped. Maccachin. Was this punishment for the way he felt? Was this fate drawing a line? Putting him back in line? But then Yuuri told him to leave.  
"Go back to Japan, right now!" He could face the free skate o his own. He knew Yuuri could. Anyone who saw him tonight would know that he's ready. But Victor didn't want to believe that he'd be fine without him. Didn't Yuuri need me? Didn't I need to be here for the boy? But Maccachin. That wonderful dog had been with Victor for so long... Throughout all his success and all his heartbreak Maccachin had always looked at him and smiled, just being happy to be with Victor. He was Victor's companion, especially when no one else would get too close. It was unfair how torn he was between this boy and that dog; they both held so much of his heart. Then he saw Yakov. Yes. This could work.  
Things were settled that night, and Victor was going to go back to Japan. If anything, he needed to be there for Maccachin's last moments. Last moments... A voice in his head told him that he never should have gone home without Maccachin. He never should have left his best friend. Every word of these thoughts drove a serrated knife through his heart. All he had been thinking about was Yuuri. He should have prevented this. Victor sat on his hotel bed and hid his face in his hands. The lights were turned off. He wanted people to think he was asleep. He didn't want to see. Eventually, he gave up on torturing himself and crawled blindly under the covers, not caring to change. It was cold. Laying on his back, he stretched, wincing a bit as his shoulder sparked in painful protest. With a small groan he lay there, his head lolling to the side, and he began to fade. Just as he was about to fall asleep, his door opened. Just a little sliver of light entered the room from the hall, but it was enough for the intruder to be able to see. Victor didn't care. He wanted to fall asleep before anything else when wrong. He wouldn't be able to bear it. So he ignored whoever it was, and pretended to be asleep.  
He thought they'd go away when they saw he was asleep, but instead there was a dip in his bed where the intruder sat and a hand grabbed his hair, pulling his face to theirs. It was too close and too dark for Victor to see, but he knew. Yuuri. He had been too surprised to gasp before, but he couldn't help it when teeth nipped at his lower lip and a hot tongue pushed past it. Every red light in Victor's body was going off, sirens blaring, that this was wrong. Yuuri couldn't be doing this. Yuuri wouldn't do this! But the smell and the feel and the intense heat was unmistakable. The other hand found its way to Victor's side where his ribs ended, resting there and scorching a mark in his memory. The touch was so innocent yet so provoking and intimate. The fingers there dug gently into his skin, and the ones in his hair tangled themselves further as Yuuri turned his head to the side, slotting their mouths together. Without thinking, Victor had responded, but horror struck him when he realized he was kissing back, and that there was no way Yuuri couldn't feel it. His eyes watered until he remembered to breathe, but his exhale turned into a soft moan that didn't make it past Yuuri. He held his breath again. The fingers on his side dragged forcefully down to his hip and Victor hiccuped, brows knitted together and mouth forced open.  
He couldn't take much more of this. Part of him was still trying to pretend to sleep, but most of him was either screaming with want or thrumming with alarm. He was helpless to the louder, irresistible moan that was pushed out of him when his head was thrown to the side again, where it had been when Yuuri entered the room, and teeth sank into the nape of his neck. Yuuri responded to the sound with a whimper that shocked Victor like lightning; he sounded agonized, like this was him holding back and it was tearing him apart. Then his face lifted away and Victor shivered from the loss of heat. The hand on his torso softened its touch and rubbed his skin, the ticklish feeling soothing the possible bruises there, and a gentle, delicate kiss was placed on his forehead. Then Yuuri was gone, and the room was completely black again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you hate meeee~~~ (Iamsorrypleasedonthatemeplease)


	4. The Reconnection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does Yuuri really feel about Victor being gone? It's for a good cause, but he /needs/ his coach. And then they're reconnected.

Victor was gone. He wasn't with Yuuri, and the free skate was soon. If he messed this up, he wouldn't move on. It would all be over. Everyone was perfect. Yuuri could hear the cheers. He could feel them through the walls. It fueled the tension that buzzed indecently under his fingertips. He stretched against the wall, taking comfort in how cool it felt and how blank it was. It wasn't bursting with color like the crowd or blaring with brightness like the ice. Victor wasn't here. This should be easier. If I fail...  
No. Yuuri's eyes burned and his nose stung. His face grew hot and his throat clenched but he forced himself to take a deep breath. He would not fail. He needed to prove that Victor's coaching wasn't wasted. He felt worse and worse as he got onto the ice, and right before the music came on he felt like he might pass out. It was too late, then. The piano started, and he was moving. He could do this. I can do this. Crap. Crap... His second jump turned into a single. That was fine. He hadn't fallen. Calm down, calm down. He could fix this. He thought of Victor. Victor had known what he was feeling. Ever since the beginning, it seemed.  
'Yuuri, you're not weak.' Victor's words were a burst of energy. He prepared the next jump... He landed. Both skates touched the ice, but he made it. Don't think. Not now. I'm strong! I can make this work! He landed the triple axle, and swore he could see Victor smiling at the side of the rink. Where he should be... Triple toe loop. Another jump, and another, and another. Spin after spin. He couldn't give up. He couldn't let Victor slip away. He wouldn't. Yuuri was the only one who could do this. He was the only one who felt this way about Victor, and he was the only one who Victor felt this way about. He wasn't finished yet. No... and then his hand shot out and pushed off the ice. He had over-rotated, but the song drew to a close. As soon as it was over he dropped to the ice, panting hard. It took so much out of him without Victor there, but he had Mr. Yakov. He made third. He made third! He didn't even mind the lecture, Yuuri was so relived he pulled his substitute coach into a tight hug. His spot wasn't guaranteed yet, but he hadn't failed. Now all he could do was wait.  
It was a tie. It was luck, maybe. Yuuri made it to the next round, but he felt like he had lost. He had imagined running into Victor's arms when his coach returned, exclaiming proudly that he'd done well. He felt like he couldn't do that now, though. He needed Victor. Victor needed to be back right now. He needed reassurance. He felt weak, even if Victor didn't think he was. He needed a reason to think otherwise. Yuuri mindlessly searched for hugs. No one else felt nearly as comforting as Victor, but they too an edge off of this feeling of failure. Eventually he wandered out into the cold, and stood in the snow. The sound of the cars behind him was nice, like the white noise he sometimes needed to sleep. His disappointment turned into determination. So what if he made it by the skin of his teeth? He made it. And he really wanted gold now. Even if he didn't win... A pang of quilt resonated through his chest as he thought of what he was doing. He would have to ask Victor to step down as coach. He couldn't keep him all to himself, no matter how they felt... especially if he lost. Even then, how did Victor feel? He didn't know for sure. Those times, those kisses, only once had Victor dome it on his own. And it was because of Yuuri's performance, not because of Yuuri himself. He just didn't know, and couldn't feel sure about anything as the right answer. Yurio's appearance broke him free of his thoughts, and as much as that kick had hurt, he was happy to see the younger boy.  
His lecture was a surprise, and Yuuri didn't know how to take it, but it was heart-warming in the end. When Yurio shared his food and stayed to talk, Yuuri's spirits rose even higher. He liked being friends with him. He liked having friends. He was happy by the time he made it to the airport. It wad been too long since he saw Victor. He had too much to say. Yuuri was growing nervous again, eyes darting from person to person until he saw that brown furry dog, and that he was okay. He saw Victor, then. He was about to jump forward when he remembered there was a glass wall, so he took off sideways, not looking away from his coach. They ran until finally they passed the wall, and then he was in Victor's arms again. He was so warm. He was so tall, so slim yet enveloping and safe. So, so safe. His voice was relief to the longing in his heart.  
"I've been thinking about what I can do as your coach from now on." Yuuri was so happy. Victor was here again! All he could say was, "Me too," in response before feeling tears build in his eyes again, and pulled himself farther into Victor to hide his burning eyes and nose. He couldn't keep his voice in any longer.  
"Please be my coach until I retire!" He felt the timid half of him flush with sour regret at doing exactly what he thought he wasn't going to do, but the other half that needed Victor had won. That half of him loved Victor. The man smiled and took his arm and then clasped his hand with such gentleness that the only thing Yuuri could feel was the coldness of his fingers and the heat of his lips as Victor kissed his fingertips.  
"It's almost like a marriage proposal," Victor said with a warm, silly smile. They were hugging again, in the middle of the airport. He was sure people were watching, but Yuuri didn't care. For now, at least, Victor was his. That was what mattered.


End file.
